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A Smooth Summer

By Dana Spears, Ph.D. July 9, 2014
Are you only a few weeks in and already tired of summer? Here are some ways to make parenting less stressful in these hot summer months:

First, plan a healthy snack schedule in addition to meals. Studies show that keeping blood-sugar level throughout the day increases the chance that your child will be in a cooperative mood. Fast foods may seem cheap and easy, but they have hidden costs, and not just to the waistline. Transfats, created by the food industry, aren’t a natural part of the human diet. Some even want to outlaw transfats due to all the health consequences. To avoid them, go for fresh foods, leaving foods high in both fats and carbs (like pizza) for special occasions, not weekly meals.

Second, don’t fight kids’ urges to get outside. Instead, use it to your advantage. If there are chores to do, we tend to want to make kids do that first. But exercise increases focus and improves mood. So let them play or swim for an hour, then do the chores with the promise, “The sooner you get this done, the sooner you can go back outside” or “Then, we can go to the pool.” The heat drains all of us, so don’t leave them out too long, and be sure they have plenty of water. The payoff? When children get enough water and exercise during the day, they sleep better at night, which means the next day will be better for everyone.  And guess what? You’ll be less stressed if you exercise too. So take a family walk or pull a few weeds before it gets too hot. Sunlight and fresh air help everyone’s moods, including Mom’s and Dad’s.

Third, remember the carrot and the stick. You wouldn’t go to work without a paycheck. Rewards can definitely be overdone and become meaningless, but they can be used to teach good work habits. Rewards aren’t only money or privileges. Time with you, affection, and an experience of unconditional love are the most valuable rewards because they build attachment. Healthy attachment to a parent is a core characteristic of children who chose to stay within the boundaries set by adults both at home and at school.

Forth, no matter how stressed you are, don’t yell. Yelling at your kids may build fear, but it doesn’t build self-discipline. If your son was motivated to work hard only by a desire to keep you from yelling, he will go off to college and fall on his face because he has never developed self-discipline and self-control. (HE just knows about parent control.) Yelling doesn’t encourage a desire to succeed for the satisfaction of a job well done. Nor does it nurture a drive to make a difference in the world. Fear often makes children excellent at being sneaky rather than excellent at performing a task or helping others. But a child who has been motivated by opportunities to achieve rewards and recognition will be more inwardly driven. 

Another downside of yelling? If you yell, it actually increases your stress. Yelling causes a release of all sorts of hormones that will make you more anxious and angry. Those “fight or flight” hormones are only good during a natural disaster, not when you’re trying to solve an everyday squabble between siblings. So don’t vent with yelling. Instead, walk it off and encourage your kids walk, run, or jump on the trampoline (with a net) when they are stressed. Keep a summer journal and encourage your older children to do the same. Teaching stress-management techniques to your children will have life-time benefits.

Finally, use the summer to institute family meetings as a regular family activity. One night a week, meet as a family to plan the calendar and discuss projects the family wants to accomplish over the summer. Also, discuss ways to reward everyone for completing the projects. We think summer will be calm, but it can be over quickly, and your “to do” list may be remain untouched. Children benefit from contributing to the family, but they work best when they work with you, not alone. That’s why family projects are great. Feeling needed and competent will help build the confidence your children need to face the challenges of life for years to come.

If you are already following these principles and your summer still isn’t going well, it could be because you or your children are struggling with mood issues. Although many people get depressed in the winter, there are also people who are depressed by heat. Also, a child or a teen has been struggling with depression or anxiety during the school year, but could hide it better then because she was around you less. 

So if you have a child who is struggling, or you feel like you are sinking emotionally, summer can be a good time to take some advice from Barney Fife from the “Andy Griffith Show” and “nip it in the bud.” Mood disorders and learning disabilities can be assessed over the summer so that by the time school rolls around, you’ll have a strategy for improvement in relationships and school performance. Everyone in a family affects everyone else. When one is unhappy, that has a way of seeping out into the whole family dynamic. If your gut tells you there’s a problem, don’t just ignore your instincts or inuition. Instead, make your summer days count by connecting with professionals who can help you find ways to make the next year better for everyone.


Dr. Dana Spears is a counselor at Living in Grace Counseling near Brooks and Senoia. She can be contacted at danaspearscounselor@gmail.com.



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